its funny, for all of my utter anonymity here, staying anonymous elsewhere on the internet isn't so easy.
in the last fourty-eight hours, that anonymity has been sorely tested and, as a consequence, i've tested the will of a few others. for a decade, i've struggled with finding the balance in having such a very public face and maintaining my personal privacy. over the years, as a staff we've shared pictures of our desks and done q&a's and it's been fun but, for a long time, it hasn't felt like that anymore. for me, now, the questions feel more invasive, the calls on my time less welcome and i've never felt my sense of vulnerability skyrocketing like i did last night.
no one ever means it to be that way - and i certainly don't blame anyone for triggering my damage...my damage is pretty much all over the place, so it isn't difficult to do, but it feels crappy to feel this exposed.
still, after a few hours of wallowing in my own frustration, i realized the thing i used to remind myself of, years ago, that this is an opportunity and that it's a blessing. not to be cliched, but there are people who would do a lot to be in my shoes and have this chance, and i shouldn't squander it pouting. i have people who love me - whose opinions i value - who want me to do well and want to help me. i have an audience and i have support.
(also, i have a d.c. metro cheat sheet and only one more day until my trip!)
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